Fiction: Meet Your Pilot, A TSA Initiative (Humor)
If you don’t trust the pilot, don’t go.
— Denzel Washington
Airline travel is hours of boredom
interrupted by moments of stark terror.
— Al Boliska
____________________
From: AeJet Air
To: Passengers
The Government has approved a mandatory psychological crowd sourcing
program entitled “Meet Your Pilot,” to be implemented April 1.
Your upcoming flight falls under these new TSA rules, so this email serves
as an important reminder that you will be required to arrive at the airport 180
minutes before your flight and be present in the boarding area at least 90
minutes before takeoff.
Your crew – pilot, co-pilot, and flight attendants – will be available
for a “Meet and Greet,” to answer questions from passengers.
All “Meet and Greets” will be recorded and subsequently analyzed by TSA
psychologists, to be retained on file as dynamic psychological profiles of airline
employees directly responsible for your flight.
Your crew’s résumés will be forwarded to you five days before departure. We
strongly urge you to study these documents carefully and prepare some incisive
questions in advance.
In the event of crew changes, a non-flight employee will summarize any replacement
crew member résumé for you.
This new Government initiative offers you the opportunity to see for
yourself how committed AeJet Air is to air safety; we applaud the Government’s intervention
in these matters.
Be assured that our pilots are highly trained and psychologically
responsible and fit for hurtling large tubes with wings through the air at 325 -
500 mph – and safely.
If five or five percent (whichever is larger) of passengers opt to delay
their flight because of crew concerns, TSA rules require that the crew member in
question be removed from a flight manifest, to be reassessed by TSA
psychologists before being reassigned for future flights.
AeJet Air takes airline safety seriously and has always worked diligently
toward Continuous Psychological Wellness Assessments (CPWA) of our employees.
For your convenience, we have included TSA’s “Meet Your Pilot Passenger/Crew
Rights and Responsibilities” (MYP-PCRR):
Passenger
rights:
– You have the right to
know the identity of your pilot so that you may conduct an internet search on
him/her, well before your flight.
– If, for any reason*,
you are uneasy about a pilot’s qualifications or answers and/or demeanor, you
may ask to be removed, at no extra charge, from your current flight and
rebooked on another flight.
– You may ask the crew
any questions having to do with how they are feeling (ill, happy, depressed,
normal), whether they have imbibed alcohol or drugs within the last 24 hours, and
if they have recently experienced any family trauma in recent months.
Crew
rights:
– The crew has the right
to an updated and accurate list of passengers.
– The crew has the right
to decline answering highly personal questions, for example, the specifics of
their sexual orientation and sex lives; religious beliefs, income, age, marital
status, and political persuasion.
– While passengers may
ask delicate questions, the crew has the right not to disclose highly personal
details about their lives, such as specifics about a life event, such as
divorce, childbirth, marital affairs, etc.
Passenger
responsibilities:
– To ask important
questions as they may pertain to the upcoming flight and rule out, as a crowd-sourcing
group, any serious potential psychological issues or potential substance abuse
(alcohol and/or drugs, both prescription and illegal).
– To treat AeJet Air employees
with respect by restricting their questions to issues pertaining to performance
and/or psychological and physical well-being.
Crew
responsibilities:
– To report for work in
top physical and psychological shape.
– To treat our passengers
with respect by cheerfully answering questions related to flying fitness and
respectfully declining to answer inappropriate personal questions.
Be assured that your crowd-sourcing profiles will make a difference, and your
observations will be taken seriously.
Thank you for flying AeJet Air. We know that you have choices for your
airline carrier, and we are privileged to be able to serve you.
_______________________________
*Passengers may
not discriminate against a crew member for religious, political, racial, sexual
orientation, age, or ethnic reasons.
________________________________
“Meet Your Pilot, A TSA Initiative (Humor),” © copyright 2014 - present, by Jennifer Semple Siegel, may not be
reprinted or reposted without the express permission of the author.
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